Somewhere I Belong
by Blank and Line
Summary: another songfic by my other personality, Line, for Gundam Wing.


Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or have the rights to any Linkin Park music. I just write about the pilots using songs. If you wanna sue me, I'm afraid you'd be very disappointed. The song "Somewhere I Belong" can be found on the Meteora CD. 

Summary: This songfic is about Quatre and how his feelings are very messed up due to family issues and a case of depression, somewhat, and loneliness.

Quatre sat alone in his chair. His very large, very comfortable chair. He would've been very happy. But something was wrong. He was alone. So very, very alone. He hadn't realized it until now, but he was always alone. Even with the Maganacs and the other Gundam Pilots. With Relena, with Dorothy and with Noin and Zechs. Physically, he was with other people, but none of them knew his emotions. None of them knew that he was slowly suffering. Sometimes, he didn't even know it. Then, he went home to his gigantic house; his empty house.

Upon realizing all of this, Quatre curled up in his chair and he could feel the hot liquid pouring down his face, out of his eyes. He had tried so hard not to cry. His mixed emotions were killing him from the inside. He cried them all out, trying to save his life by drowning himself in his salty tears.

_When this began_

_I had nothing to say_

_And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me._

_I was confused_

_And I let it all out to find that I'm_

_Not the only person with these things in mind_

_Inside of me._

_But all the vacancy, the words revealed_

_Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel._

_Nothing to lose._

_Just stuck, hollow and alone._

_And the fault is my own,_

_And the fault is my own. _

Quatre brought his knees closer to his face and crossed his arms over them, burying his eyes in his sleeve. What could he do? He had been hiding from this emptiness for so long now. He knew crying wouldn't do anything, but there was nothing else he could do. He could kill himself. As he thought this, something Wufei once said came back to him.

"Suicide is for cowards. What does it solve? Killing yourself is just proof that you can't live because it's just too hard. Life's too hard..."

Quatre agreed. But, then again, he also thought himself a coward. Of course, he was too cowardly to even think about killing himself, much less actually doing it. He shivered and then continued his useless sobbing.

_I want to heal,_

_I want to feel_

_What I thought was never real._

_I want to let go of the pain I've held so long;_

_Erase all the pain 'til it's gone._

_I want to heal,_

_I want to feel_

_Like I'm close to something real._

_I want to find something I've wanted all along;_

_Somewhere I belong._

Could the other pilots know how Quatre hurt? He decided they couldn't. They didn't know his story. He was a test-tube child; they all had natural births. So much was expected of him; they were loners, doing what they felt like. It just didn't seem very fair that he got the short end of the stick. He knew that the other pilots didn't have picture-perfect lives either, but he also assumed none of them felt the same way. 

Heero was the "Perfect Soldier" but then began to follow Relena's pacifist ways, changing himself for the better, making himself happier. Duo was glad war was over with. He had already gone through hell and high water and he was fine now. Trowa had lost his family and then his memory, but found his sister. Wufei had lost his wife but then fought for her and completed the task of finishing off the war for her, though he had gone through some difficult decisions and had almost made the wrong one. Quatre had almost sent the Gundams to their destruction until the last minute had yelled at his father and was a brat, only changing his ways because of Rasid. He was awful, a problem and trouble wherever he went, or so he thought.

_And I've got nothing to say._

_I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face._

_I was confused,_

_Looking everywhere, only to find that it's_

_Not the way I imagined it all in my mind._

_So what am I?_

_What do I have but negativity_

_'Cause I can't justify the_

_Way everyone is looking at me._

_Nothing to lose,_

_Nothing to gain; hollow and alone._

_And the fault is my own,_

_The fault is my own._

Quatre could hear the rain starting to fall, hitting the windows and drumming on the roof. Even the sky was crying at his pitiful state. He couldn't stand it any longer. He lifted his face to look at the ceiling and took a deep breath. He let it out in a scream. He very rarely screamed for any reason, but when he was done he felt as though he had lifted a large portion of the stress in his chest. He got out of his seat and crossed the room to look in the mirror. His eyes were raw and red from the tears he had spilt and his nose looked like it had been hit, for it too was quite red from sniffling. 

Staring back at his reflection, Quatre wondered what it would take for him to feel better. Maybe he should talk to somebody? No, who would care about his problems? Heero? Nope. Not a chance. Duo? Maybe, but he'd probably just get bored after awhile. Trowa wouldn't talk to him, just listen, though that might work. Wufei would think he was being weak and worrying about stupid things. Quatre felt some of the pain come back to him and he sank to his knees on the floor and placed his hands over his hurting heart and wept a little more.

_I will never know_

_Myself until I do this on my own._

_And I will never feel_

_Anything else until my wounds are healed._

_I will never be_

_Anything 'til I break away from me._

_And I will break away,_

_I'll find myself today._

Quatre opened his eyes and stared at the carpeted floor. He had to let go of all these negative feelings. He would kill himself if this continued. He didn't want to become totally emotionless, but he didn't think it was fair to have to go around everywhere hiding all this pain, even if you were good at it. He stood and walked out the door to the bathroom. He turned the faucet and wet his face with cold water. He rubbed his face in a clean white towel. He left the bathroom and walked down the hall and then the stairs. 

Upon going out the door, Quatre grabbed his coat and put it on. He locked the door after making sure he had his key and then walked down his lawn and onto the sidewalk. Which friend should he visit first? He'd decide when he got there. He had to talk to someone, right?

_I want to heal,_

_I want to feel like I'm _

_Somewhere I belong._


End file.
